A Parade of Horribles
Background
Floor 10 is introduced with a simple announcement: “Crawler. Welcome to the tenth floor.” The floor is structured around two interconnected mechanics: a multi-team race through increasingly bizarre environments, and culminating in a Parade of Horribles — a ceremonial procession down a yellow-brick road lined with silent masked figures, leading to an arena where the floor boss waits.
Views and follower counts are now so large as to be abstract. Carl is still Rank #1. The remaining human crawler count has dropped dramatically — each floor has fewer and fewer surviving humans.
New characters and returning ones: Grigori, Corky, and Porky — half-mantaurs (literally bisected humanoid-horse hybrids kept alive by magic, whose guts spill out when their suits open). Florin — a crawler who takes command of the sluggalo swarm. Dong — a character who wraps things in plastic wrap at critical moments. Prepotente — a goat-like entity with a DJ stand who gets shoved by the drunk unicorn. Dwight the unicorn — a drunk, sparkling unicorn with a Shit-Faced debuff who wanders into the Desperado Club. Lamashtu the Donkey — Level 125, “a mortal, subjugated god,” former deity, now a parade mount for Chaco the Bard. Hamed — a new leader character. Archie Mu — the ladybug crawler whose apartment appears in the race. Akuma — leader of the War Mage Rebellion from Faction Wars, now on Floor 10. Rend — a small, round creature (“meatball”) who follows Carl and Donut. Bigs — a tiny creature with eyestalks. Jamal — a shark driving a truck. Rosetta — the crawler from the archive notes, present in person. Tipid — gremlin driver.
Krakaren Prime is the floor’s final boss — she was banished to the Nothing on Floor 4, escaped to Floor 18, and has since been moved or descended to Floor 10. She sits atop a massive tree inside the arena at the end of the parade route.
Chapter 1 — Welcome to Floor 10
“Crawler. Welcome to the tenth floor.” The floor announcement plays. The dungeon’s usual stats roll out. Carl and Donut have arrived.
Chapter 2 — First Detonation, Running
She didn’t react at the sudden detonation of her co-applicant. She was already running. The floor begins immediately with violence — someone is dead, someone is running, and Carl hasn’t had the briefing yet.
Chapter 3 — Loud Horn
A loud horn sounds. The race mechanic activates. The horn signals the start of a phase.
Chapter 4 — Eight Teams Remain, Mount Expiration
“Have been eliminated due to the expiration of their mount. Eight teams remain in competition.” The floor uses team-based racing with mounts. Some mounts expire (timed out or killed), and their teams are eliminated. Eight teams are left.
Chapter 5 — Building the Reinforced Plank
Carl is reinforcing and attaching a long plank of wood. The vehicle being built for the race requires structural modification to handle the course.
Chapter 6 — “What Kind of Name Is That?”
Donut asked, incredulous: “What kind of name is that? Also, we didn’t get to name—” A new creature, team member, or vehicle has a name that Donut finds unacceptable. This is Donut establishing her position on naming conventions.
Chapter 7 — Entering the Safe Room
“Entering your safe room.” The safe room system is still accessible. Mordecai is presumably inside.
Chapter 8 — “What Accessories Did You Get?”
Post-loot evaluation. The accessories from the previous encounter have arrived and are being assessed for the race.
Chapter 9 — Falling to the Floor
She falls to the floor with a yelp, then hunches like she’s about to leap to Carl’s shoulder. Something sudden happened — a physical shock, a revelation, or an ambush.
Chapter 10 — Dozens of Achievements
Dozens of achievements and boxes to go over from the action at the — most of them from something that just happened in bulk. Carl processes them while keeping moving.
Chapter 11 — Donut and the Bootleg Makeup Palette
“My aesthetic!” Donut exclaims as she continues to examine the bootleg makeup palette. The loot from this floor includes an unauthorized copy of a cosmetic item that Donut would normally disapprove of. She’s examining it with considerable engagement.
Chapter 12 — Garage Door Opens
The garage door opens. The floor has a garage — or rather, a section that functions as one. Something new is visible inside.
Chapter 13 — Two Creatures Stroll Out
Garage number three opens and two creatures stroll out. Carl and Donut gawk. The creatures are new species, possibly new team members or opponents. Their arrival changes the team composition.
Chapter 14 — Entering Hungry Eyes Vendor Village
“Entering Hungry Eyes Vendor Village.” The floor’s merchant area. Carl shops with purpose.
Chapter 15 — Entering the Lollipop
“Entering the Lollipop.” The Lollipop is a specific location on this floor with its own set of rules and resources. The name is optimistic.
Chapter 16 — Creedence Clearwater Revival, Elle’s Late Husband
Something from Creedence Clearwater Revival plays. It was Elle’s late husband’s favorite. Elle’s past is given a specific detail — her husband is dead, and a song from his taste has appeared in the dungeon. Carl notes it.
Chapter 17 — “What Does This Button Do?”
“What does this button do?” Carl finds a button. He is going to push it. Everyone else’s expressions are visible from the description.
Chapter 18 — Lurching to a Stop, Almost Crashing
Carl shouts as they lurch to a stop. They nearly run into something. The vehicle race is operating at speeds that make “almost” a recurring experience.
Chapter 19 — Looking Left and Right
“When you look left and right,” Carl says as they bump up the hill. The training/instruction for a new team member in the vehicle.
Chapter 20 — Two Bosses Staring at Each Other
Two of the bosses stare at each other. The second waves. A moment that suggests something more complex than a simple boss fight is about to happen — these two entities know each other, or at least recognize each other.
Chapter 21 — “We Will Avenge Ito’s Death!”
“We are implementing your plan. We will avenge Ito’s death!” Ito is dead. A team or group of allies has decided that Carl’s plan is the correct response to Ito’s death. They are committing to it.
Chapter 22 — After Passing the Finish Line
After passing the finish line, some resolution for one stage of the race. Carl assesses the standings.
Chapter 23 — “Was It Corky or Porky?”
Splash Zone (another NPC or entity) asks: “Was it Corky or Porky?” The half-mantaur duo — Corky and Porky — are introduced. They are literally two halves of a mantaur, each kept alive by magic. Their guts have a tendency to escape from their suits. The question of which is which is genuinely confusing.
Chapter 24 — Akuma, Leader of the War Mage Rebellion
“Akuma. The leader of the War Mage Rebellion from Faction Wars. The magic-based c—” Akuma, who led a faction in the Faction Wars of an earlier floor, is present on Floor 10. The War Mage Rebellion was the name of a militant magic-using faction. Akuma’s presence here has implications for what side he’s on in the current conflict.
Chapter 25 — Mercing in Hungry Eyes
Rosetta and Tipid are in Hungry Eyes to grab a mercenary — if any are left — while Donut does something else. The floor’s mercenary market has been significantly depleted.
Chapter 26 — He Rose from the Dead
“as he rose from the dead.” A character who appeared to die has returned. The dungeon’s relationship with death is complicated.
Chapter 27 — Live Show Appearance
Donut and Carl are yanked to go on their live appearance. The broadcast show continues to run on higher floors. The interview is with a new host or format.
Chapter 28 — “Well-Met, Stranger!”
“Well-met, stranger!” A new NPC or entity makes a formal introduction with genuine enthusiasm.
Chapter 29 — Botis Changes Demeanor
Botis (unknown character) shifts demeanor. He’s asked something and his tone changes. An NPC who was presenting as friendly reveals a more complicated nature.
Chapters 30–40 — Race Operations, The Apartment Building
The race continues through increasingly surreal environments. Key sequence: apartment building race. The teams race through a multi-story apartment building where each floor contains a different family’s living space. The gate to the next level is hidden in a household object — a kitchen sink drain, or under a bed in a child’s room.
Carl drives through these apartments while the residents react with appropriate horror to a vehicle racing through their home. One apartment belongs to Archie Mu’s wife Mackenzie — she’s on the phone crying, looking for her husband who went to the Pineapple Cabaret. Her son’s name is Ollie. Carl passes through Ollie’s room, drives under the bed, hits the gate, and clears to the next floor. The Scottish woman’s voice: “Ollie! Where’s Ollie?”
Gate Four of Seven cleared.
Chapters 41–55 — The Casino, Gluteus Stabbed
The floor has a casino section — an NPC-run establishment with games, a croupier who stabs people for perceived infractions, and various table games where the “Nothing” spaces have been replaced with things like “You get your ass curb-stomped” and something called the “Dirty Tea Bag.”
Gluteus is stabbed by the croupier. The plan to deal with the Porky NPC (the hostile half-mantaur restaurant owner) requires navigating his hatred of a specific character. A drunk unicorn named Dwight wanders into the Desperado Club and shoves Prepotente off the DJ stand. Carl has to intercept Dwight before a fight breaks out that he can’t afford.
Chat communications reveal: Samantha has been tested for a mechanic that involves a new application of her abilities. The test worked, but there are wrinkles. A war mage’s claim about a shop interface is required to be trusted.
Chapters 56–65 — Corky and Porky’s Zippers, Molten Room
A dramatic sequence involving the half-mantaurs Corky and Porky unzipping their suits. When the suits open, their guts literally spill out. Grigori casts a spell that makes the dangling organ clusters float alongside their bodies. Dong wraps both their exposed half-skulls in plastic wrap to keep the brains sealed (“The fleshmancer said it was fine if the guts spill out a little, but the brain needs to remain sealed”).
The vehicle approaches a room where the floor is molten metal. The team has to traverse it upside-down — driving on the ceiling — which requires the half-mantaurs to be in the right position to not fall into the magma. Female action figure dolls melt and scream climbing out of holes in the floor.
Chapters 66–80 — Remaining Race Stages
The race continues through its final stages. Encounters with:
- Krakaren juvenile clonelings (returning from Floor 4)
- Li Na summoning elements
- Florin coordinating the sluggalo forces
- The Pineapple Cabaret section
- Completing the seven-gate sequence
- Other team eliminations
Chapters 81–88 — Desperado Club, Floor Transition
The group enters the Desperado Club on Floor 10 — now redesigned with 1920s jazz, a Naga drummer, a succubus singer in a cowboy hat. All the generated NPCs are monstrous. Clarabelle at the door notes that half the club seems to die every time Carl’s group enters and that some members are permanently banned. “This would be strangely adorable if half the club didn’t die every time you guys entered.” She lets them in.
Lucia Mar is in the back, chewing her nail nervously — someone else is occupying her body. Samantha whispers in Louis’s ear. The group of thirty moves through.
Chapters 89–90 — Building the Parade Float
In the garage, the procession is assembled in ninety minutes. Five vehicles, three giant animals, a “marching band” section. The mounts — Sweety (large creature in the lead), Onikuma the bear (Rosetta rides), Old Shuck the giant wolf (Samantha and Bigs ride) — receive black-and-gold parade blankets and Gurkha hats from Donut’s new Gurkha class. The blankets increase constitution and give Steady Charge. The Gurkha hats increase fighting skills. Donut’s version of the hat, at five levels of skill boost, sits on a pillow because they don’t have time to drain it.
Gremlins cover everything in black, gold, magenta, and white Requite Dahlias. Mongo wears nemes and headband and receives kukri claw caps for his feet. Rend gets called away by Donut. The truck roof has a platform with a diorama.
Chapter 91 — The Yellow-Brick Road, Silent Masked Crowds
“What the hell is this?” Carl mutters as the procession moves onto the parade route.
A yellow-brick road. On both sides, standing in low fog that stops at the path’s edge: thousands of silent, motionless people. Adults, children, babies. They wear dirty rags in earthy brown. Their faces are covered by large, round, colorful masks — grotesque caricatures of goblins, trolls, hobgoblins, demons, each face bigger and more comic-sinister than the real thing. No music. The masks press against each other due to the crowd density, turning sideways, like multicolor sewing pins in the same hole. The line extends as far as Carl can see.
“Not a very lively crowd,” Donut mutters. “I hope they appreciate how we put all of this together in just ninety minutes.”
Chapter 92 — Chaco Arrives on Lamashtu
Chaco the Bard appears out of nowhere, riding a massive donkey in yellow-and-blue parade regalia with rhinestone tack and a Vegas showgirl headdress. The donkey has crow talons instead of hooves. Chaco himself is in a formal tuxedo with a top hat, holding his microphone, looking ill and terrified.
Donut gasps: “Hi, Chaco!”
The donkey’s name is Lamashtu. Level 125. “This is a mortal, subjugated god. This former deity was subjugated by: [Error].” Samantha, in all caps: “I KNOW THAT DONKEY. THAT’S MY FRIEND! SHE MUST LIKE HIM BECAUSE LAMMY IS REALLY GRUMPY ABOUT PEOPLE TRYING TO RIDE HER.”
The former deity proceeds to the front of the line.
Chapter 93 — The Arena, Carl Sends Donut Away
The white metal arena entrance is enormous — Godzilla-scale doors. Inside stands the tree, hundreds of feet tall. Krakaren Prime sits at the top. Her voice shakes the world.
Carl lifts Donut off his shoulder and holds her in a tight hug. “Get to Elle and Imani. Stay away. Do you understand?”
“I know the plan. I’m scared, Carl.”
Carl: “I haven’t really said this out loud, and I hope you know this already. I love you, Princess Donut. If this doesn’t work—”
Donut interrupts: “Don’t say that. Don’t jinx it, Carl. People keep saying that they don’t trust how you might react if something happens to me, but they never ask how I might react if something were to happen to you. I don’t want to find out. Not today, not ever. I love you, too.”
Carl kisses her forehead. She bounds away onto Mongo’s back. Rend waddled away, protesting.
Carl stomps on the roof. Tipid’s head pops out.
Chapters 94–99 — Krakaren Prime, Final Battle, Floor End
The procession advances into the arena. The silent masked crowd watches. Krakaren Prime descends or acts. The plan Carl has been working toward throughout the floor deploys. Multiple team members execute their roles simultaneously. The boss fight at the climax of a parade, performed in front of thousands of unmoving masked spectators, has a theatrical quality that the dungeon’s broadcast must be treating as the highest-rated event of the crawl.
The parade of horribles was always meant to end here.
Floor 10 ends.
What This Book Does
A Parade of Horribles is the series at full scale: a 99-chapter book that holds a vehicle race, an apartment building obstacle course, a casino, a 1920s jazz club, a parade procession, and a final boss fight, all in sequence, all of them held together by the cast of characters that has been accumulating since Floor 1.
The Krakaren Prime as final boss is the series’ most deliberate callback — the creature from Floor 4 that was the series’ first floor-scale crisis has returned bigger and on a higher floor, as if the dungeon keeps the things Carl defeated on file and promotes them.
Donut saying “they never ask how I might react if something happened to you” is the series in miniature: the entire premise is nominally a story about a man and his cat, and it has always actually been about two people who would burn the dungeon down if the other didn’t come out.
The masked crowd watching the parade. The silence. The grotesque masks on the faces of what appear to be the dead, or the captured, or the distilled history of everyone the dungeon has consumed. The parade of horribles is a legal term: the practice of presenting the worst possible scenario to argue against something. Carl walks straight into the parade. He always does.
All content belongs to its respective author and publisher. These are personal reading notes.